A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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