uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
