I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
