I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
