whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i dont even know how to be here
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
