Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
