Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
