Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
