addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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