So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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