Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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