he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
