We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
bring money and cleavage
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
