I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
