just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
