im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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