Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
