I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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