heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
