Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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