i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
