I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
