You made me cry and you don't even care
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
