I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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