True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
