He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
