I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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