I heard we made out
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
