Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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