So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
