Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
