We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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