So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
