when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
