Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
