Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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