NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
