Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
