dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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