we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
