Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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