you turned your livingroom into a bong?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
