hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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