Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
