i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
