what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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