i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
