i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
