Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
