Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
