i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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