Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
