I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
